In an instant, it all became just noise.
Words that used to cut my soul into pieces, the ones that ripped my heart out then spat on it, meant nothing. The words that made me feel ashamed, guilty, incomplete, stupid, crazy, wrong, bad, unwanted, unloved, disrespected and dismissed, in an instant, became just noise.
It was as if a door softly opened, the threshold moved quietly past me than closed behind me forever.
I felt, I knew I was done fighting for us, for you and for me. The anger I carried in my body all these years disappeared and I felt at peace. My mind, my heart and my soul had finally let go of it all….
With the anger, the pain of being rejected, disrespected, belittled, patronized, seen as crazy and out of control, abandoned and betrayed by the people whom I loved and trusted the most, changed to quiet acceptance because I finally understood that I have no control over other people's’ destiny, only my own. I was finally at peace with myself and all those who had so greatly disappointed me.
I no longer had the need to understand the reasons behind what made those closest to me so cold, distant, withdrawn, cruel, demanding, withholding of love, making me beg or pay for their acceptance and understanding. Nor did I feel the need to help them understand and come to accept their own personal demons that lurk in the dark shadows of their minds and souls.
I no longer felt the overwhelming need to be accepted, loved, understood and cherished by people incapable of loving me the way I need to be loved.
From the moment I made the decision to let go, I gave myself permission to be the magnificent woman that I am; the kind of woman who is not afraid to live her life emerged in truth, love and beauty. I accepted that I was born to shine and be unapologetically and fiercely me!
I was no longer fighting or hiding my depression, my anxiety, my panic attacks, my insecurities and my Bipolar disorder. I celebrate them! I became the wonderful person because of all those things.
Every experience, every person, every hurt, rejection, abandonment, betrayal and loss are but chapters in my journey to figure out my path in this world, my role and my destiny…..
Ania Milo, 2018